Cognitive dissonance. Psychologists use the term to describe a certain mental discomfort that you experience, whenever your behavior and attitude aren't aligned. For instance, you know you're an honest person. Or at least you believe yourself so, and would describe yourself as one. One day, an inexplicable urge overcomes you to tell a lie. You suddenly feel very uneasy. You start questioning yourself. You experience cognitive dissonance.
I've been feeling weird lately. Cognitive dissonance is running through me. These 3 sentences rhyme happily.
OK random digression aside. After a 5 day hiatus from SC2, it feels weird to be playing it again. I don't have the same desire, passion, to play the game. To improve. To play more.
Everyone needs something to drive them. Something that keeps them going. A spark, something to ignite their engine. What is mine? I have nothing now.
Oh my, onset of depression ? haha. Random fact - it is commonly thought that depression is just a presence of sadness. However it's more accurately an absence of happiness. There's a subtle but vital difference. It's just not the same thing.
For example, everyone does feel sad from time to time. Maybe your friend stood you up. Maybe your dog died. I don't know. But you bounce back from it and engage in other meaningful activities which cheer you up.
Depressed people don't just not bounce back, but they don't derive pleasure from any activity. They never get 'cheered up'. Hence they remain in their depressed state.
Related to having drive is to have ambition. We all need a direction to head towards, otherwise how do we know where to go? Yes, I am an undergraduate in Arts and Social Science and my major is Psychology. Then comes the follow-up question - So what do you want to do after you graduate?
- I don't want to be a Psychologist/Psychiatrist
- I don't know what post-grad studies to do. Masters in.. what?
What jobs are open for me? What can I work as? HR? That's about it.
It's not that I am apathetic to this. Yes, I am generally an apathetic person. But I am aware of the NECESSITY to be in touch with society, to be up to date with news, to CARE about this. So I make the effort to do so. This drains energy from me. But I still do.
Anyway, I do think about this alot. What am I going to work as?
I'm very simple. I don't aim to be rich. I just want to earn enough to lead a comfortable life and be able to provide for my family. Pay off housing loans, have more than enough for food, and save up for my kids' university education. I'm not materialistic, I don't spend alot. Thus, I don't exactly need a high paying job.
But still. What can I work as? Civil service? MCYS? That's the closest I have to an inclination as to where I want to work as next time. And I'm not even sure.
Think I have to start thinking about this more seriously. Not just more, but more seriously.
